The rat race of life

I saw a rat infestation in a nature park recently, the green trash bins over-run by rodents who scamper nervously everywhere like engorged cockroaches. People look at them a little helplessly — how’re we ever going to get rid of them, they seem to think — and full of disgust at the way these scavengers live. I don’t think the rats thought themselves disgusting for living so furtively. 

I left the military environment for an online course with a bunch of scholarship holders recently, feeling the culture shock of civilian life and having to make small talk again. People spoke in code to boast about their prestigious internships or past achievements, and diplomatically measured up their competition. I wonder if from the outside people will regard our desperation to prove ourselves the way they regard the hard working rats. I don’t think we find ourselves very snobby or unbearable.

The admittedly elitist bubble we scholars have surrounded ourselves with is not all bad. I think it’s nice to have people who encourage excellence rather than mock and drag each other down. Coming from a place where “wayang” was bullied out of people and people chided each other for running too fast during IPPT and “pressuring them” (especially if you’re a female who challenges their masculinity), it’s nice to see enthusiasm in every individual to do well. It’s nice to listen to people ask questions after a talk rather than doze off and leave the speaker retreating in a hurried awkward silence. These are jarring reminders of how easy it is to slip into normalising mediocrity. 

However, it is equally jarring to listen to opinions delivered in such ivory-towered naïveté. Fresh out of school, taking ourselves too seriously, I was once like that too, inflated with the sense of achievement of being awarded a prestigious scholarship to delude myself into thinking I am important enough for foreign spies to target me, that I must put my best foot forward in a rather un-strategic fashion in case people disapproved of me. 

But who am I to judge? Isn’t it also elitist of me to judge others “young and naive and oh so lacking in worldly experiences” just because of a few months in the army? I took away with me a rather vague sense of having aged (mentally!) and a very sharp distaste for the rat race in our lives.