My week, a reflection at 1am at the hospital

Tuesday, I had not slept a wink save a 30min nap at the back of a tonner with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. My eyes were dry and bleary and I had to keep blinking to keep my vision, like a furious windscreen wiper on a thunderstorm. The can of iced mocha which I downed in a minute kept me awake.

The next day I floated through like a ghost, fingers typing but nothing made sense in my mind. I dare not think about sleep. I was pensive and did not want to talk to anyone or make small talk, so I sat in silence until absolutely necessary so that I did not have to hear myself most of the day.

Thursday lost itself to the on and off dozing as I lay in bed and slept through lunch. Every hour I woke up, looked around, checked my phone out of boredom from sleeping so much but not enough, and closed my eyes again. Drifting off. I forced myself to read for my writing placement exam and wondered vaguely whether anyone else out there had to study for their exam while running on adrenaline like a corpse. Thursday blurred into Friday without me closing my eyes, and suddenly I was at the hospital accompanying someone who was sent out from exercise. I read a book till my eyes hurt and threatened to close; I watched the cleaning uncle drive his cleaning machine with it’s flashing orange light; I shifted position 3 times to have a change of scenery; and I vaguely contemplated going to the FairPrice mini mart just to browse through the racks of food. Everything had a vacuum packed quality to it, the way things in a hospital feels like, especially at 1am. I kept waiting. It feels like a holiday, catching a midnight flight and browsing through slow sleepy convenience stores for supper. I loved those kinds of holidays. I have a crumpled $50 note. I try desperately to keep my eyes open from the accumulated sleep debt. I thought of the square of chocolate they give onboard airplanes, where the long-haul and high altitudes took away all sense of smell and taste, and how it melts on your tongue and returns some senses to you, tingling sweet and a relief to my parched dry throat.